My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
