what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
