I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
