Im at strip club and am horny
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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