i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
