I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
