I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
