You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
