when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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