no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
