I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I understand Curling. That high.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
