Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
