dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
