If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
