I want to walk on stilts...naked
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
