hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
