You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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