I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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