eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I AM VODKA MAN
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
