best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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