I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
