we have pet lesbian snakes
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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