is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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