The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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