some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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