Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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