i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
