i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
