Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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