i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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