I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
