does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
