then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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