I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
