Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
