i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
