Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
