Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
