I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
