hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
