I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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