Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
