I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am spending my child support on dildos
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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