you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just want nice things and good sex
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
