can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
