I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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