I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
