Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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