Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There r osticjed everywhere
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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