i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
