That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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