We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
