I'm eating all of the evidence.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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