Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
