How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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