i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
