It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
