I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
