i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
