peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
