And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
