Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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