I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
